I'm supporting Morrissey as our representative for the Eurovision Song Contest. What exactly does that phrase mean to you? Do those three words: Eurovision Song Contest send a chill through your heart?… Are you immediately arranging an evening out?… Or is your heart racing at the thought of a night in with some cheap booze and Terry Wogan?… So, what is it you do on that night? (wait for an answer and when none are forthcoming carry on)… I'm suggesting that we regain some credibility in this competition that our European neighbours take so seriously and enter Morrissey as our representative for not only an interesting evening but also something to talk about over a pint with no cigarettes in the pub.
What is the Eurovision Song Contest?…A symbol of Europe?…When I last looked I couldn't find a country called Europe! Only last month we saw our European neighbours celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of the founding of the European Union. Our local European capital cities celebrated this with free concerts, beer, sausages and televised parties. Probably Britain sipped tea and watched x-factor. Where were our free concerts? Where were the celebrations? Moreover, where were documentaries and articles celebrating our place in Europe? Here is our chance to watch an international version of a talent show, a format the ratings tell us we all love.
It strikes me that the rest our continent take Europe and the Eurovision Song Contest seriously. Why do we view it as slightly 'naff' and tacky? Is it because every year recently our entrant has been somewhat laughable? Our nation voting for page three model, Jordan, to represent us. A Eurovision winner isn't just a pretty face with curves to kill but someone who represents us as a nation. The BBC have drawn out unknowns over the past couple of years hinting at a slight chance of fame. Pop Idol contestants that failed at the last hurdle are the cuisine of the day for our entries into the Eurovision. Javine ranking not so highly in twenty second place and Jessica Garlick finishing in a more respectable third place. Still didn't you feel ashamed that we came in last when 'Jemini' sang, out of key I hasten to add, their Top Seventy Five hit 'Cry Baby' to an appalled set of judges across Europe who all gave us 'nil points'? Perhaps we don't like it because we have become a nation of bad losers so maybe the easiest answer is to ridicule the whole thing.
Our national psyche is about losing and loss. We don't like to take things too seriously so therefore we don't try. We are good at cricket, reasonable at football and renowned for our wealth of musical talent. So why don't we try! Try! Try taking the Eurovision Song Contest seriously! If we did try and still lost there would probably riots and punch ups or blaming the referee for a bad decision. My god it doesn't bear thinking about Eurovision hooligans throwing cheap chardonnay at each other and ripping up the hospitality suite – at least that would be a bit more "rock and roll"
Perhaps he wants to emulate his idol, Sandie Shaw who won the contest some forty years previously with 'Puppet on a String'. We need a serious contender for a serious competition. It's a recipe which seems to work for us. Sandie Shaw was a very successful female artist in the sixties. With such hits behind her as "(There's) Always Something There to Remind Me" and "Long Live Love" she was an artist to be taken seriously in the contest which gained Britain it's first Eurovision win.
We must not forget either that another northern icon, Lulu, won the Eurovision again for us in 1969,with "Boom bang-a-bang", because it ended in a draw between the United Kingdom, France, The Netherlands and Spain it is not remembered as much. Lulu had already gained fame from several television series of her own and her infamous teenage hit "Shout!" and appeared to be a serious contender for a serious competition.
This isn't Morrissey's first crush on the Eurovision either. In the video for "You Have Killed Me" he plays an entrant wining the 1970 contest, showing his love along with his desire to enter the competition.
For those of you who really don't know much about him – He was born in 1959 and raised in Hulme, a suburb of Manchester to Irish Catholic immigrants. It was in 1982 when he formed The Smiths which led to worldwide success and fame. The Smiths are now regarded as one of the most influential bands to come out of the United Kingdom. The NME, his sworn enemy since the early 1990s, last year voted him "most influential artist ever". Even the Sun saw fit to write a rave review of last year's first British gig in years and declare Morrissey officially "back". Now having recorded four studio albums with Johnny Marr in The Smiths including the critically acclaimed and highly controversial "The Queen is Dead". Placed along with eight solo albums and four compilations of his solo work it's a seriously impressive discography. I view him as a serious musician as do his long list of famous fans such as Alan Bennett, actress Kathy Burke and author Will Self. I'm sure he can accrue some of the judges as fans too. Nor is he a stranger to large crowds, from the Manchester Free Trade Hall via the Newport Centre to Paris and Las Vegas. Even choosing to celebrate his own birthday on May the twenty second with eighteen thousand fans in the Manchester Evening News Arena in 2004…
More importantly Morrissey's reputation as a witty lyricist and great performer strides in front of him, gaining us a little respect before he evens opens his mouth. An important feature like this certainly can't be ignored. Morrissey is renowned for his political stance and his strong opinions on such subjects as vegetarianism and immigration but we must not forget how he is equally intrigued by the idea of a performer. He does not care for the dance routines of such clichéd pop acts but for the performance that the sixties girl groups ,such as The Shirelles and The Shangri-La's, laid on which fascinated him as a teen. A priority for Morrissey is that he puts on the best show for his fans, fulfilling his vocation as a performer completely. There are very few performers who could pull of the perfect recipe for a hit. A good song performed well with an intense presentation will give the United Kingdom a strong position from the outset.
A distinctive character such as Morrissey will also be remembered fondly as he is already for his National Heath Service spectacles and his affection for wearing a hearing aid around his neck. All these aspects count as to why the Stretford Bard should be considered seriously as our entrant. His performances and props reflect a culture and society that appears to have a rose tinted glow. It was a time when people and even the state recognised that people's lives mattered. It was even a time when the state thought education was important so they actually paid higher education tuition fees. Lets draw out a strong player in the performance world and give Europe a new vision!Morrissey, known for his bleak satire, came second to nature television god Sir David Attenborough in the vote for the greatest British living cultural icon, acquiring fans such as radio broadcaster Jeremy Vine, playwright Willy Russell and author JK Rowling over the course of his twenty five year career, whether it be solo or with Johnny Marr and his former band mates in The Smiths. The legion of Morrissey fans cross the channel and span Europe even further to the United States and beyond. His cult icon status shows that every single one of his fans feels something in common with the "Mozfather" whether or not they are from some rainy Manchester suburb with a reasonable education or living on the streets of Mexico City. The diversity amongst his fans is a great factor helping to sway the undecided nations. He is a figure who causes discussion and debates whatever his move is. I'm sure many of his fans will want to unite and take over this cause. He could stand on behalf or the people of Britain representing how we feel. The unique ability Morrissey has is the ability to express the hopes and aspirations of people of all ages.
Does it matter that he now lives out in Los Angeles? Should it matter that he lives abroad? I believe that allows him to globalise his philosophy and add to his and our understanding of the way the world works. Many famous Brits have lived abroad – Byron in Italy and Greece, Auden and Isherwood in Berlin, even Dickens spent some time in the States. It didn't do them much harm. Is a bit of sun and glamour doing Morrissey any harm? No! Well actually Byron died in a war in Greece so perhaps Morrissey had better watch where he goes in LA and avoid dark alleys late at night. Even so, he still remains quintessentially British, he has experienced the government, education and national health systems first hand. Remember! He still loves us!
Two things need to happen.
Firstly we need to decide whether we really want to win the Eurovision song contest.
I certainly do! I'm sure that secretly you would be proud too. We need to tap into this vein where the blood is reddest and richest to transfuse life into a diseased method of choosing our entrant.
If not let's accept that like football, cricket and even rugby the British don't want to win. We prefer to laugh at those who take these things too seriously or sneer at those who prepare, sacrifice and train to gain success. It is about time that those in control of us noted their own weasel words about needing to work hard, achieve high standards and identify quality when it comes to our national image.
Secondly we need to choose Morrissey as our representative. Even if he doesn't win he would still be the best and we would have an even better reason for ridiculing the poor quality of the judges.
C'mon! Its about time we made our minds up so that we can offer congratulations to this years puppet on a string!
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